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Blog: Confronting a Cheater

By August 15, 2014Relationship Advice


How To Confront A Cheater

Confronting a cheater needs careful planning. It’s easy for a confrontation like this to spiral out of control and there may be more damage than fixing done after the fight is over. Although infidelity is never an easy relationship concept to deal with, here are the best tips to help get through this emotionally challenging time:

Do confront them only when you have solid evidence

Nothing’s worse than confronting a cheater without proof. Accusing someone of cheating is a serious matter, and you’ll only lose your credibility and your partner’s trust if you go in without proof. Even if your significant other really is cheating, this might lead them to cover up their tracks even more, making it harder for you to confront them and you’ll run the risk of being called “insecure” and “psychotic.”

Once you have proof, plan your confrontation strategy.

Do plan a strategy

It’s normal to be angry about confronting a cheater. They wronged you and disrespected you, but the objective of confronting a cheater is simple: evaluating whether the relationship is worth saving. When you talk to your partner about their actions, it’s tempting to ask about who they did it with and how many times. There’s no right or wrong questions in this situation, ask whatever you feel you can handle without losing your temper and poise. Question what you want, but do it in a calm and non-threatening manner. You’ll get more out of your partner this way.

The important thing is to determine the root of the problem, talk it over with your partner about how you’re both going to fix this together. Cheating is not a one-way street, there’s usually an underlying problem in the relationship that can cause lovers to cheat.

Don’t bring others into the problem

This is a problem between the two of you and should only include input from the two of you. The more people you drag into this, the less objective you become of the situation. Affairs can and will happen, but that doesn’t mean it’s always the end of the relationship.

If you two are having serious problems communicating about the affair, consider a marriage counsellor. It’s confidential and they can provide you with an unbiased insight into your relationship.

Don’t retaliate by cheating

This may seem like common sense, but some scorned lovers feel this is the best way to handle the problems after confronting a cheater. Not only are you breaking the “Don’t bring others into the problem” rule, you’re adding more fuel to the fire. There’s no good that can come from bringing in more infidelity into the relationship.

It may seem tempting to hurt your partner, but keep it respectable. If you cheat on your partner, then it may truly be game over for the two of you.

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